Spidey Poo
If spider poo is toxic, I'm dead for sure...
I just finished taking down the wallpaper in our main bathroom.
It was quite possibly the ugliest wallpaper I've ever seen. Not because of the bamboo pattern that met its demise decades ago, or the fact that the texture made it appear to constructed of burlap (FYI: huge dust catcher), and not even that it was probably the worst wallpaper application in the history of man. Do people not realize moisture + wallpaper = ...well...no wallpaper. This house is about 100 yrs old, and while there is a ceiling fan in almost every room, and a garbage disposal, and an AC and a SHOWER of course...apparently no one ever though it wise to upgrade with an exhaust fan.
The stuff had started to roll itself down the walls and curl at every edge. I found evidence of repair jobs which must have been attempted with the use of super glue, because it pulled the cardboard off of the drywall behind it. Yes, bare drywall. They never. even. primed it!
The nastiest of the nasty factor: The wallpaper on either side of the toilet was so stained dark...um...yellow *gag* that it appeared brown (the rest was white and green with a slight yellow hue...as if nicotine stained. Maybe if they'd left a little more room for the toilet, they would have had room to clean. The space, if you can call it that, where the toilet sits...is crammed between two walls, no lie, 20 inches apart. That's LESS than two feet. And then the cabinet is in front of the 'doorway' to the toilet area. So you kinda have to turn yourself and shimmy your ass into the space in order to use it. My cats have more space in there covered cat box, seriously.
Obviously we are remodeling that bathroom (the other one is fine-someone else must have owned the house when that one was added...but still, no exhaust fan)
So...anyway. As I'm pulling all of this nastiness from the walls, I find myself 'showered' with what feels like sand...and figure it's just dirt or whatever gets trapped between the molding and the ceiling...and shrugged it off, smart enough to close my eyes with any further tugging.
About 3/4 of the way around, I'm talking to Nate at the doorway and forget to close my eyes. At that point I notice that all the little sandy debris falling on me is black...and pellet-shaped And I think to myself...eww that looks like poo...kinda like mouse poo, but way too small. And then I look up and start to ponder (Bad idea) what would make poo so small? So I remember seeing lots of spiders in the basement...but then think 'Nahhhh'...but in determination, I climb my ladder and inspect closely...more closely...and there they are...hundreds of teeny weeny turds suspended in spider webs around the walls where the wallpaper hung loosely.
BLAAARGH!!! All I could think was 'TAKE A DAMN SHOWER...NOW!' Yes, take a shower, but it was full of torn wallpaper!! ACK! So I washed my hands, my mouth, flicked my hair hoping to rid it of spidey turds, and brushed my teeth about twenty times...fretting the entire time that spider poop is toxic and I will probably die...or surely go blind. Afterwards I cleaned out the shower, vacuumed the floor, the walls, the ceiling, the toilets, the walls again, the counter...the molding a hundred times in hopes of sucking spidey out of his dark happy home. My revenge for being welcomed with a teeny poop-shower. And finally...FINALLY was able to take a REAL shower. I still feel dirty. And now every little speck on the floor or the wall is "OhMyGod MORE SPIDER POO!" It must have gotten to my brain already.
So...If no one hears from me...direct authorities to the bathroom for clues.
***One more FYI: 'Burlappy' wallpaper simply isn't a good decorating choice. It is also a huge trap for teeny weeny spider turds.
I just finished taking down the wallpaper in our main bathroom.
It was quite possibly the ugliest wallpaper I've ever seen. Not because of the bamboo pattern that met its demise decades ago, or the fact that the texture made it appear to constructed of burlap (FYI: huge dust catcher), and not even that it was probably the worst wallpaper application in the history of man. Do people not realize moisture + wallpaper = ...well...no wallpaper. This house is about 100 yrs old, and while there is a ceiling fan in almost every room, and a garbage disposal, and an AC and a SHOWER of course...apparently no one ever though it wise to upgrade with an exhaust fan.
The stuff had started to roll itself down the walls and curl at every edge. I found evidence of repair jobs which must have been attempted with the use of super glue, because it pulled the cardboard off of the drywall behind it. Yes, bare drywall. They never. even. primed it!
The nastiest of the nasty factor: The wallpaper on either side of the toilet was so stained dark...um...yellow *gag* that it appeared brown (the rest was white and green with a slight yellow hue...as if nicotine stained. Maybe if they'd left a little more room for the toilet, they would have had room to clean. The space, if you can call it that, where the toilet sits...is crammed between two walls, no lie, 20 inches apart. That's LESS than two feet. And then the cabinet is in front of the 'doorway' to the toilet area. So you kinda have to turn yourself and shimmy your ass into the space in order to use it. My cats have more space in there covered cat box, seriously.
Obviously we are remodeling that bathroom (the other one is fine-someone else must have owned the house when that one was added...but still, no exhaust fan)
So...anyway. As I'm pulling all of this nastiness from the walls, I find myself 'showered' with what feels like sand...and figure it's just dirt or whatever gets trapped between the molding and the ceiling...and shrugged it off, smart enough to close my eyes with any further tugging.
About 3/4 of the way around, I'm talking to Nate at the doorway and forget to close my eyes. At that point I notice that all the little sandy debris falling on me is black...and pellet-shaped And I think to myself...eww that looks like poo...kinda like mouse poo, but way too small. And then I look up and start to ponder (Bad idea) what would make poo so small? So I remember seeing lots of spiders in the basement...but then think 'Nahhhh'...but in determination, I climb my ladder and inspect closely...more closely...and there they are...hundreds of teeny weeny turds suspended in spider webs around the walls where the wallpaper hung loosely.
BLAAARGH!!! All I could think was 'TAKE A DAMN SHOWER...NOW!' Yes, take a shower, but it was full of torn wallpaper!! ACK! So I washed my hands, my mouth, flicked my hair hoping to rid it of spidey turds, and brushed my teeth about twenty times...fretting the entire time that spider poop is toxic and I will probably die...or surely go blind. Afterwards I cleaned out the shower, vacuumed the floor, the walls, the ceiling, the toilets, the walls again, the counter...the molding a hundred times in hopes of sucking spidey out of his dark happy home. My revenge for being welcomed with a teeny poop-shower. And finally...FINALLY was able to take a REAL shower. I still feel dirty. And now every little speck on the floor or the wall is "OhMyGod MORE SPIDER POO!" It must have gotten to my brain already.
So...If no one hears from me...direct authorities to the bathroom for clues.
***One more FYI: 'Burlappy' wallpaper simply isn't a good decorating choice. It is also a huge trap for teeny weeny spider turds.
posted by Mo at 3:52 PM
2 Comments:
I think you might have termites. It sounds like termite poo, which is largely - or totally - made of wood. Tiny, wooden poos. Check it out.
This just warrents a new nickname for the Great Mighty Mo.... I'll be taking submissions starting now! :) hahaha....
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